There are times other than the ones we inhabit together meeting, speaking to each other. In another kind of time people can meet each other across centuries. Our lives are statements and these statements can encounter others, before and after. Jesus and George Bush were bound to meet and this conversation had to happen. While this chat could have been had any time during the Bush presidency, July 2004 is a special time. Jesus probably had doubts which only George could clarify.
J: I understand you have been a practising Christian and a champion of family values.
GB: Absolutely. I am delighted to have the honour of running into you. The world is suffering because of so much evil and my religion based on your teachings has helped me immensely in knowing what to do.
J: I am happy you feel this way. But I am puzzled – what do you think one should do if one is hit by another.
GB: One would be stupid to be caught with one’s pants down. Till the year 2000 people would say one must be alert and take defensive action. But I have taken that one step forward. I say be alert and take offensive action.
J: You mean hit the enemy before he can hit you.
GB: Yes.
J: But how would you know the enemy before he hits you?
GB: You need to be smart to spot your enemies.
J: Can we say, if we take a stroll through History, that Hitler, Genghis Khan, Alexander were conquerors and did not wait for an enemy to emerge. But you are quite different from them and would not fight for gain and plunder. But you would not let another attack you and therefore you would attack them.
GB: Absolutely! I have worked only the well being of the world and tried to protect it from despots and have a righteous rule. By the grace of the almighty US has been given a supremely powerful position and by the grace of the same God I have been elected President of this nation.
J: I understand you completely. There is a small niggling doubt in my mind. Are you a Christian?
GB: Yes of course, I am.
J: Do you subscribe my teachings or is it to something else?
GB: Of course I subscribe to your teachings!
J: I remember having said 2 things to my followers. In those days it was OK to be a follower. “If somebody strikes you on one cheek, turn the other cheek to them.” What do you say about this teaching?
GB: My life is consistent with your teachings O Lord. My doctrine of preemptive strike is a corollary to your teachings. You said, “If someone hits you, turn the other cheek.” My corollary is “Don’t wait stupidly for another to hit you, hit him first. Then he will have to turn the other cheek to prove he is a good Christian or be exposed as an imposter, an infidel!”
I have been stupid at some exceptional times. Take Afganistan. Osama slammed those planes into the WTC. And a set of event happened by which American troops invaded Afganistan. I wept for the poor citizens of Afganistan and agree that was not the best solution. But I have learnt my lessons from your teachings. Now look at Iraq! We got them before they could hit us! And we will go on living your teachings!
J: I think you have studied my teachings really well and gone to greater depths than any other soul has done on earth. But may I ask another question? I also said, “Treat thy neighbour as thyself.” What have you done to live this?
GB: That has been one of the most important cornerstones of my life. Neighbourhood is a place next to your home. I have gone beyond the concept to embrace other nations as well. I have tried hard to see that my neighbours have not had any complaints against me. I have sent them all the goods that America has produced, I have offered jobs in their country by ensuring that American companies set up factories in their country. I have made sure they had dollars by making sure they all traded oil in dollars.
America is a vast country and everyone who considered himself as my neighbour has been well treated.
There have been great moral dilemmas sometimes. I have found enemies waiting to harm America and they were neighbours. What was I to do? Shower them with dollars, jobs and goods from USA or hit them hard before they hit us? I have had to do both as a good Christian. That was not too difficult. If somebody resisted my friendly overtures and wanted to be too independent, I have, out of neighbourly feelings, changed governments, caused riots, assassinations etc. After all if people do not know what is good for them they need help! You will see it will all turn out well.
J: I can see your sincerity and well meaning moves. Tell me how do you know if your neighbour is an enemy or not. Does someone who does not want to buy oil in dollars become automatically an enemy?
GB: I did not know you were so well up on world affairs. It is quite amazing! This is a complex matter. Le t me explain – If Iraq or other countries start trading oil in Euros, they would weaken the American economy. Out of munificence we have been printing dollars and distributing them around the world. Countries as far away from us as Australia and Japan have been using these in large numbers to buy all their needs. If the oil trade shifted to euros, US would have a huge deficit. We would have a recession. Therefore a move such as this is a warlike action. Thus premptive strike was warranted. So I have learnt and created a corollary to your second teaching as well. “If another threatens to be unneigbourly, hit him before he can hit you.” It all boils down to the first teaching actually. Turn the other cheek…
J: I am completely overwhelmed by your depth. No one in history has so far figured out that these two teachings are the same. You will be remembered forever as the first person to have reasoned your way amazingly into this deep and pragmatic understanding. I have one last question. How would you know when someone means you harm? People have talked about phobias etc. Can a person ever really know what the other intends? You whole philosophy depends on this crucial question and I would like to be enlightened.
GB: Jesus, you are an amazing guy! This question has foxed many of my colleagues in the Pentagon. They have asked me often, “George, how do you know when to hit the button? We always are in two minds and have doubts. How come you are so certain and have no doubts on these crucial questions? Do you have some divine insight?”
J: I can see clearly that this must have haunted many people and tormented them enormously. But you seem to sleep well and are well rested – I can see from your face that you harbour no doubts.
GB: I know the time for action like a cowboy knows when to stoke a fire, and when to let out a whoopee. I stroll the lawns of the White house. I listen to my advisers and the picture becomes clear soon. Everyone has understood this. They can’t fool me. So they tell me the truth. And I have friends like Tony who give me the best advice about all that is happening around the world. If Tony said something and another person said something who would I trust! Of course Tony! Simple as that. And everyone will know later that it was Tony who gave me wrong information. There is another principle I live by, in addition to the two given by you. “Believe Tony and act, before others start saying different things and confuse matters.” This way Tony is to blame for well intentioned mistakes and I only need to rest on Christian principles
Take Iraq, Tony, with a touch of good neigbourliness, told me that Iraq could hit us in 45 minutes. Now that seems to have been some small wrong estimation. It appears Iraq could not have hit us even if they wanted to. I do not doubt Tony’s intentions. But he helped me act. Iraq was planning to trade oil to Euros. That would not have been neighbourly!.
J: Why Tony of all people? How do you pick a Tony?
GB: Who will know better than Tony how to be a munificent global presence? England has had so much experience. Africa, Asia, Middle East! One has only to choose an expert and you will get the best advice. I am lucky to have a friend like Tony. The others Dick and Colin and Rice are all important they need to sing the chorus. But Tony is the prize friend in need and indeed. I need him to sleep well and wake up fresh.
J: Well I will run along before I fall at your feet. I do not want to embarrass you with my compliments. That would not be good neigbourliness.
GB: Can we have a picture together?
J: I am camera shy. Can we skip it?
Muttering to himself….
Well I never…..That was close Jesus. That is the closest you have come to striking the cheek of another. You almost became a George Bush!
July 23, 2004
